matty matt- 5 and a half weeks

look at this angel baby. he was so alert and happy today for me to snap a couple pics! look at him holding his head up. he's such a strong little trooper. i am in love with the black and white one, he was just snuggin on lyss' fingers while she held him. matt was 5 weeks this week! just look at those big brown eyes. he is still just so cuddly and precious.

blog button

i wanted to thank "the cutest blog on the block" for making matt his own blog button! and thank you to the sweet reader who funded it. :) feel free to take it and add it to your blogs!

purpose from another blog

This is a post from a friend's blog. I was encouraged by the content, and I hope you will be too. "r"

new creation. (Thursday, February 12, 2009)

I pray the same prayer for my unborn son...the same that I have for all my children...and for this one especially a lot lately. My biggest desire for my children. The one thing I won't let go of. The one battle I will gladly fight for on my knees until I see the answer. And after you've prayed it for so long, it still surprises you, delights you, and overwhelms you when it happens. And the angels sing.

We were praying for baby Matt this evening, and I explained to my girls how he was born, what we should pray for him, and of his beautiful story. And then went on to explain that even if he does die, that he will go to heaven to be with Jesus. And how beautiful that was especially for his family...knowing they will still get to see him someday in heaven. We talked of seeing grandparents in heaven someday, meeting the brother or sister that we miscarried last year, our hope in Christ. And then my little A asked if her big sister had said the special prayer before. She knows all about how to come to know the Lord, and has asked many questions over the past couple of years. But we have left it up to her to tell us if/when she is ready. It would have been easy for me to push this issue with her...to prompt her more than I should. To ensure that my own heart could rest easy of her salvation. But I haven't.

And then she said it. "I want to now." I almost didn't realize what she was talking about. For months and months we talk about these things as they come up, and she has never said anything about wanting to say that special prayer. But tonight, she wanted me to go to the other room and pray with her.

So if you did hear the angels singing a little louder than usual tonight, it's because my second baby asked Jesus into her heart. All those prayers. All the times I even worried it may not happen. And He knew. He knew the day, the moment, the after dark hour when snuggled atop her bunk bed, clad in mismatched pajamas, that my little one would make her decision. And He answered my prayer. That He would explain to her heart what I could not fully. That He would call her by name. That He would reach her and bring her to Himself. He is so faithful. It's so amazing how many times I fail to trust Him. How foolish I can be. Especially when over and over again He continues to show me His faithfulness, His completeness, and His perfect love.

It's funny, the other day, I was thinking about baby Matt. And I knew completely in my heart that his being on this earth has a purpose. Even if it is only for a short time. And then my human heart wondered on it's own...how though? How could his little young life be used for God's glory? Only God knows for sure, but tonight his story prompted the conversation that led to my little one's salvation. May all glory belong to Him, my God and Father. Blessings everyone. :)

a plea for prayer

Matt's head continues to grow at an alarming rate, which means sleepless nights, frequent feedings, vomiting, and discomfort for Matt. It is hard thing to watch one's son die. Between the Tylenol, constant rocking, diapering, and tears, God still blesses our days with peace and joy. (Matt's actual pain is minimal due to massage, gentle vertical rocking, and occasional medication; so, please don't imagine him suffering. He spends his time being rocked, kissed, and cuddled in peace. He is, despite his condition, one of the most pleasant babies I have ever had the privilege to care for. The vomiting we have also learned to control through frequent small feedings and positioning).

Unfortunately, however, by the time I feed Matt 1-2 ounces every 1-2 hours, rock, change, massage, and bath him, there is little time left to care for the needs of our other two small children. As God allows, my priority is to provide for "e&j"s material and spiritual needs as well as those of my wonderful and terribly, exhausted husband. There is little time for anything else: I still have Christmas nail polish on my nails! It is hard for me to remember to pay the bills, much less return phone calls or emails. (I think what I am trying to say is that we are all doing amazingly well, but to insure Matt isn't in pain and everyone else is being loved, we don't have much time left to love on others we care so much about).

I was able to rock Matt for awhile tonight while I watched "e&j" take their bath. It was lovely to rock and sing to him knowing that someday soon he will be taking in the real celebration in heaven. If I get the chance, I will rock him to that beautiful music again. Everything else can wait, "I am rocking my baby, and babies don't keep!"

Please continue to pray that God will help me to keep my priorities in line with His priorities for me as outlined by Titus 2:5. It would seem that not a day goes by now that I haven't disappointed someone or even lots of someones. Encourage us to keep godly priorities--especially time in His word--because more than any other kind of help, we crave grace. Please cover us in love and overlook our frailties, and by so doing, you will have given us God's best gift to us all. grace and peace to you.

"r"

peace of mind

Final lab results indicate that Matt is CMV-free. But for any of you who are pregnant or are thinking about becoming pregnant, good hygiene is always a must. While 50-80% of us have already had the virus and therefore cannot be infected again, women who have not yet been infected are at risk of transmitting the virus to their fetus if infected for the first time during pregnancy. This virus is not transmitted through casual contact; Isolation of infected persons is therefore not warranted. We are not physicians providing diagnostic or other professional services. If you have any further questions regarding this virus please refer to the following website or contact your family physician. We hope this brings peace of mind to all those concerned.
www.cdc.gov/cmv/ - 38k

"r & m"

…one centimeter at a time.

A month ago, if you had asked me if I would take home to our family a terminally ill newborn dropped off at the hospital, I would have given you an extensive list of reasons why that would be a terrible idea. I might have mentioned that this just isn’t our calling: OB/GYN residency is not the season for a task like that; our children are too young; we don’t have the money; we don’t have the time. I might have ducked under the guise of needing to be a detached physician. Perhaps I would have waxed prideful: we need to raise leaders in our community; we need to spend our time influencing others to do the right thing, not spend our time on a brainless baby who doesn’t sleep. Trust me, I really could have given you some excuses.

Why, then, is Matt now our son?

Jesus.

When God inspired Paul the apostle Paul to write, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come,” he meant it! Attending Matt’s birth three weeks ago, watching him in the nursery with his fontanel bulging, reading his MRI for the first time, God has, with wondrous mystery, sheared some of the fetters of fear and selfishness in my heart bit by bit.

This week, I have been finding new hold-outs which I am, as usual, quite reluctant to give up. Matt’s head continues to quickly grow. One centimeter at a time, he is morphing from the beautiful baby we brought home towards the end-product of his disease process. After a new CT scan last week, there is growing concern Matt’s birth mother might have developed a cytomegalovirus infection which may be at least partly responsible for some of the problems in his brain. In fact, it just so happens that this same virus could give any pregnant mother not previously exposed to the virus a disseminated infection capable of causing severe fetal problems. This means, to my horror, that future additions to our family, our friends who are pregnant, and perhaps even our friends who desire to become pregnant would be at risk.

That is, if he has the virus and if these moms-to-be were not previously infected. In other words, if, by God’s sovereignty, this trial has been designed for us.

Today I consider this: “Pure and undefiled religion in the sight of our God and Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their distress (James 2:20).” Furthermore, “faith without works is dead." Pure and perfect religion is the care of orphans and widows. In my sinful heart, however, there is no innate capability of the pure and perfect. In my sinful heart I am afraid for my family and my friends. The physician in me thinks Matt’s doctors are taking pot shots at his diagnosis and he probably does not have CMV because doctors are just usually wrong. The Christian in me says, “look to Christ, you fool, and lean not on your own understanding!” But the man in me, my dreadful, sinful heart, says “run away and save yourselves while you can.”

Ultimately we must all choose the inner man to whom we will listen. So for now we look to Christ. We look to Him to strengthen us and comfort us. This week we will wait upon the Lord as he moves us despite ourselves, slowly, centimeter by centimeter, through the process of purification and perfection he has so carefully designed for us.

“S”

still here

we're still here! this week has been busy and we haven't posted much. i intend on putting a little video of matt up soon so you all can see how cute he is in real life. :) please pray for his continued comfort. his head is growing at a fast rate, and it can be painful to him. pray for "r" to know when he is pain versus when he is just tired, or maybe hungry, so that she can help him manage it.

as always, "r" and "s" appreciate your prayers more than you could ever know.