Wednesday, April 22, 2009

hope in the cross

My dear cousin gave me this quote yesterday, I hope it is an encouragement to you as it is to me:

"Jesus' death reveals to us that we do not have to live pretending that death is not something that comes to all of us. As he hangs stretched out between heaven and earth, he asks us to look our mortality straight in the face and trust that death does not have the last word. We can then look at the dying in our world and give them hope; we can hold their dying bodies in our arms and trust that mightier arms than ours will receive them and give them the peace and joy they always desire. -Henri Nouwen

I believe so strongly in heaven and Christ's finished work on the cross that I think I would qualify for admission to the psych ward's in the hospital where my husband works. (Belief in God or hearing him speak being a diagnostic criteria for many types of psychosis; though as I have said before, I don't actually hear God speak). This has not always been the case, over the past three months--which lasted for three years--I have tried other routes for expressing my grief. I have looked inward and focused on my loss, my anger, my sorrow, and my pain. The fruit of this reflection is always the same: anger, bitterness, impatience, and a despair that keeps me from doing the good set before me. When instead of on my own grief, I focus on the cross of Christ and his defeat of death, the fruit of the Spirit wells up supernaturally--and through no good of my own--to splash its cool refreshing mist all about me. When I rely completely on Christ's finished work and allow him to quiet me with his love and rejoice over me with singing (Zephaniah 3:17b), I am able to love in return. "We love because He first loved us," (1 John 1:19). It may be crazy to live in the light of resurrection glory and to take a sabbatical to rest in His unfailing love, but I happen to know that even in the Psych wards they have no laws against love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, and self-control (Galatians 5:22). As a result, "let us consider how we may spur one another on towards love and good deeds," (Hebrews 10:24), crazy or not. Even if we are destined only to become worm food, I would like to go as the "kind, gentle, loving" variety, but I digress, as if such a thing were possible without Jesus.

When Matty looks down and sees me here--still not sure how that whole time thing works--I do not think he will appreciate my self-absorption. I think he would like to see us honor his memory by continuing to do good to the other 130 million orphaned children around the world (Don't worry sweet family and friends, we will not be bringing anyone else home in the very near future--we will leave that to you!). We have good to do today, and so it is now my great joy to turn this computer off and leave the virtual world behind so that I can be busy about loving those two little munchkins still sleeping up stairs, my crazy husband (no new adventures today, honey), and you, my dear friends, who have all waited so patiently for me to walk my little boy home. (Matty, my son, how I miss you! Who would have thought that a selfish sinner such as myself could by the grace of God love you as my own, flesh of my flesh and bone of my bone). Blessings and goodbye until we meet again on the other side of sorrow, in that beautiful place where the least of these like Matt will be the greatest.

"r"

9 comments:

  1. Bless you all, from the eldest to the youngest, for your quiet and humble service to the least among us. And blessing for the future you share on earth - and the hope to come.

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  2. Beautiful words from a mothers heart. Who you are is just the person God wanted to trust Matts little life to for the brief but blessed time he was with you. I am so glad I got to know Matt through you and I love him too. He taught my heart so much about the simplicity of love and life. A precious little boy who spoke volumes to so many without ever uttering a word. He was never orphaned in his life because God never took His hands off of him:) Thank you for loving him and sharing him with us. My prayers continue for you and your family.

    Love and Hugs, Laurie

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  3. wonderful post. thank you for sharing. When I rely completely on Christ's finished work and allow him to quiet me with his love and rejoice over me with singing (Zephaniah 3:17b), I am able to love in return. "We love because He first loved us," 1 John 1:19 this verse spoke to me in an unmeasurable volumes. thank you for allowing me to read this post. still praying for your family as you go through these times.

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  4. before you disable this blog think about this...go to this site, http://www.yourblogtobook.blogspot.com/ Make this a book for you to remember...cuz we know there a very special words in here that touch so many of us...

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  5. I think it is a good idea NOT to disable this blog simply because it could be such an inspiration to others. Please reconsider. Hugs

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  6. Hi...I want to tell you how much I like this blog, and this post. And the picture of your little man is heavenly. (fitting, huh?!) I hope you come to see mine, i want very much to add you to my "heartbroken with hope". (in the event you decide to stay up and going w/ this) whenever i hear of anyone going through this same hurt, there is always a sigh of reief that you know the King. bless u, Megan

    www.greatestblessing.blogspot.com

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  7. I nominated you for an award~ go to my blog to check it out ;)

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  8. may you find strength and peace and love form God...i came by to do nothing other than to offer you my prayers and support. my brother, matt, passed away some 35 years ago in March and your Matt, is precious too! praying for you through this difficult time...and remembering micah 6:8 and standing true to knowing hope is what we have (hebrews 11:1)

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  9. Dear Matthew's parents,

    Just wanted to let you know that I will be thinking of you and praying for you tomorrow. We read your story while waiting for our little girl we are now in process of adopting and your humility and growth through your painful adoption journey had a profound effect on my parenting. Thank you so much and I am thinking of you tomorrow.

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